The Many Faces of Pride

Pride can be a hard sin to detect in your own heart because it has so many different faces, you might see the symptoms in another proud person that are not a problem for you and assume you aren’t prideful, when in reality, you are simply proud about different things or your pride has different symptoms
They might be proud of their money or social class, and you’re never tempted with pride in those areas. But you are puffed up about your gifts or abilities. We can have pride over our looks, intelligence, athleticism, physique, our self-discipline, or even our spirituality.

The following is a list of symptoms of pride. Very often we can take pride in the fact that we don’t have some of these symptoms without realizing we have others.

1) Anger

The greater your attitude of self-importance, the stronger the reaction against anyone who says or does anything that would seem to minimize your importance. And the reaction can take various forms: outbursts of temper, withdrawing, pouting, “frustration,” irritability, etc.

When you minimize the importance of truly humble people, they don’t even notice. They don’t consider themselves important, so low treatment doesn’t even register in his mind as anything unusual.

2) Complaining

Complaining is passing judgment on God, who is in control of circumstances. A proud person believes he deserves an easy life because of how good he is. So hardship is intolerable. And he speaks up about it because others need to know how hard he’s got it.

3) Ingratitude

When God graciously gives gifts to proud people, they aren’t grateful because they think they deserved those gifts. In fact, sometimes it even irritates them because they think God should have given them something better. God should have given them a better job, better car, better spouse, better health, better spiritual gifts, better friends, etc. For everyone one word of gratitude, they utter ten complaints.

4) False humility

False humility is when you are focused on the lack of your gifts and abilities. This one fools a lot of people because it may not come across as pride at all. In fact, some people mistake it for humility. People like this are always down on themselves i.e. “I’m terrible at this. I’m really bad at this. I’m just a worm, I’m unimportant, I, I, I…” That is false humility. They keep telling you how humble they are but where is their focus? On themselves.
Humility is not putting yourself down. Humility focuses on others and considers their needs more important than your own. Very often, people who put themselves down are either looking for sympathy, or they want you to disagree. That is pride.

5) Talking too much

Many proud people think that what they have to say is more important than what everyone else has to say. They don’t listen because they really aren’t concerned about anyone else or how anyone else feels. When someone else is talking, the proud person is only thinking about what he is going to say next. He doesn’t love anyone else or care about anyone else enough to genuinely think through what they are saying.

6) Talking about yourself

When you are proud, the conversation inevitably revolves around you (especially when you are talking with someone who is humble, because both that person and you are concerned with the same topic – you). We have clever ways of disguising our boasting so it doesn’t sound like boasting. But really our motive in what we are saying is not to edify or build up the listener – our motive is to impress that person.

7) Seeking pity

In our pride, we always want to make sure everyone knows how rough we’ve got it. Maybe we don’t complain or gripe. We just see to it that someone knows how hard our situation is, so they will be impressed with how well we are handling it or cut us slack for not handling it well.

8) Seeking independence

Very often a proud person can’t stand to be dependent upon others. They won’t accept help, they won’t accept gifts, they won’t accept many expressions of love because it damages their ego to think they are not self-sufficient.

9) Lack of submissiveness and respect for authority

They have to be their own boss. It is demeaning to them to be under authority because they think it implies that the authority must be considered better than them – and, of course, no one is better than them. They know better than anyone how things should be done. People like that are often rigid, stubborn, headstrong, and intimidating. A subtle variation of this is the person who will only submit to the highest authority in the organization. They don’t think they have a submission problem because, if someone who is really high up and really important – who really commands a lot of respect – tells them what to do, they will submit. But that is pride, too. It is the attitude that states: I’m so important, and so intelligent, and so capable, that I am only answerable to the most important people.

10) Being consumed with what others think

How many of us go through life making decisions for the primary purpose of gaining the approval or respect of others. We are man-pleasers rather than God-pleasers. People with this variety of pride need to be continually affirmed.

11) Being devastated or angered by criticism

Proud people can rarely handle criticism because all criticism is taken as an attack. When someone criticizes you, are your first thoughts typically defensive? i.e. Well, they just don’t understand this, and this. And they don’t appreciate this, and who are they to be talking anyway?…” Your favorite verse in the Bible is Jesus’ warning about seeing to the log in your own eye before taking the speck out of someone else’s. Suddenly you start finding logs in the eyes of everyone who criticizes you. I don’t have to listen to you – you’ve got a log. You never accept or profit from criticism because you always dismiss it, and because you think the other person has no business giving it, and because he’s got worse problems than you.

Jesus didn’t say, “Don’t accept criticism from someone with a log in his eye.” All He said was not to be a hypocrite. It doesn’t mean a person has to be sinlessly perfect before he can correct you or challenge you on something. If you are finding logs in everyone else’s eyes, chances are you are the one with a problem. Proud people have an inflated opinion of their own goodness, and so if you bring up a criticism that is a weakness they didn’t know they had, they can’t accept it.

12) Making excuses

This expression of pride, when it finally does come to grips with a fault, reverts to excuses and blame-shifting i.e. I’m really sorry I did that, but…I was having a tough day, I was really tired, etc.

“I’m sorry but …” really means, “I’m not sorry because…”

13) Being unteachable

You know you have a pride problem when anytime someone critiques you or tries to teach you, you resent it. You can’t seem to learn anything from anyone else, and there are very few people you respect.

A subtle variation of this is when you are teachable, but only by the most respected people. You can’t learn from some lowly person in the church. If someone has less education than you, less experience, less intellectual ability, or who is younger, then you can’t learn anything from them.

14) Being sarcastic, hurtful, or degrading

Proud people can be very unkind. They may not do it on purpose and many times they don’t even realize they are doing it. They just tend to belittle everyone around them. Ask yourself, Are people constantly getting offended by you? If so, maybe there is a subtle arrogance in your attitude that sends the message to people that they are inferior.

15) Lack of servanthood

Proud people aren’t thinking of others, so don’t even notice opportunities to serve. If it’s something that doesn’t involve them, they are mostly oblivious to others’ needs. Usually they will only serve if they are asked. They want to feel needed and important, therefore, they won’t do anything unless someone comes saying, “We need your help. You are qualified for this.” Sometimes even that statement won’t be enough unless it is from someone important. Then when they do serve, if there is not enough praise or recognition, they want to quit.

16) Lack of compassion

Self-focus remains oblivious to suffering of others because the prideful person doesn’t put himself in the shoes of the suffering person long enough to feel the person’s pain.

17) Lack of asking forgiveness

Proud people rarely ask for forgiveness from the people they hurt. On the rare occasions that they do admit their sin, their concern is still about themselves. They want to smooth over the relationship, they don’t want any more guilt, they don’t want any more discomfort, etc., so they might force out an apology. But it generally isn’t heartfelt, lacks real contrition, and you rarely hear them ask forgiveness.

18) Prayerlessness

People with this kind of pride don’t have a sense of dependence and neediness, and so they aren’t compelled to cry out to God in prayer. They feel self-sufficient.

19) Voicing preferences or opinions when not asked

Do you find yourself throwing in your two cents more often than everyone else? The greater our sense of self-importance, the more urgency we feel in voicing our opinions because those opinions are more important than everyone else’s.

20) Minimizing your own sin and maximizing others sin and shortcomings

Do you find that when you talk about someone else’s faults, you go on and on. But when you confess your sins, it only takes a few seconds? That’s pride.

21) Impatience

When you’re consumed with self-importance, your schedule is the most important schedule. The people in line in front of you have no business even being at the store when you are there; the same goes for all the other cars on the road. Your trip is important and the rest of these people should have stayed at home where they belong.

22) Jealousy and Envy

You hear about someone winning the lottery or getting some wonderful benefit, and instead of being genuinely happy for them, you are distressed because it didn’t happen to you.

23) Using others

This form of pride says, “I’ll pay attention to you, but I’d better get something out of it. I’ll give you a call and encourage you … when I need something from you. What is most important is my work and my agenda; therefore, your job is to help me.” Do you decide whether or not to begin a friendship with someone based on what that person may have to offer rather than based on what they need?

24) Deceit

Some proud people will do just about anything in order for others not to see their flaws or think ill of them. They may not tell an outright lie but they will mislead people into having a higher opinion of them than what is warranted.

25) Attention-getting tactics

This form of pride craves attention, and the attempt to gain it may include the way they dress, bizarre behavior, rebellion, talking about their problems, being a comedian, getting a tattoo, crying, or offering insightful comments at a Bible study.

26) Not having close relationships

Self-sufficient people often have no use for close relationships. You don’t see them much at fellowship events, because they don’t need the body of Christ. They don’t need any help in their spiritual growth, they don’t need anything.

The Solution

Did this list beat up on you as much as it did me? There is a remedy.

1) Repent

Confess your pride to the Lord and to those who have been hurt by it and seek God’s forgiveness.

2) Study about humility

Spend as much time as possible in passages of Scripture that teach about humility. There are a lot to choose from! A good place to begin is Philippians 2. Proverbs is another great resource. Listen to as many good sermons on humility as you can, and read C.J. Mehanny’s book, Humility. It’s a very short, easy read, but quite helpful.

3) Get help

Ask friends and family to let you know when the symptoms of your pride arise.
Finally, be encouraged about the humility you do have. Rejoice over the fact that, by God’s grace, many of the items in the list above don’t apply to you!

[1] For much of this list I am indebted to Stewart Scott’s book, The Exemplary Husband.